today go lunch that time i was talking cock with my indian colleague (both by nationality and by race la; must qualify a bit wait people say i racist 
) and i forgot what we talking about liao but somehow this thing about that classic wife software joke came up. there are many variations la, one of them goes like this...
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!
...
you can read the complete version here.
anyway hor my colleague - i called him "The Guru" after the show haha! - his wife he knew through matchmaking one la which apparently is still practised in india. to him its a good thing to only get to know the wife after getting married. well, anyway i dont wanna comment on the pros and cons of arranged marriage la. now sg men also go vietnam to find wife so maybe its a good thing...??
back to the joke... i commented to him that nowadays many versions of the Wife software comes pre-configured liao. very limited things that can be changed. he beri lucky, still can configure. haha! just kidding... he very nice to wifey one. 
hmm... i wonder got any Wife program got come with configuration wizards one?! 
last fri one of my buddies jio us out for dinner, said wanna sit my ah beng chia go jiah hong. so i happily obliged lor. 4 of us hadnt come out talk cock together for quite a while liao. busy la. actually our gang of new york buddies also not jus the above 4 niah ok. still got others but the above 4 made up wat was known as the Alt-F4. wahahahaha!! err... din catch the joke? nevermind... 
what we are busy with:
- laoda (老大) - jus married; busy making baby
- gay - jus bought house; busy with renovation
- gua - perpetually busy with work
- me - also busy with work, chia, and other personal stuff (dun tell you le! muahaha!)
so you see, like that where got so much time to meet le?
anyway after dinner we went jiah hong lor. laoda suggested to go lim jiu at the jazz lounge but some of us wore the clothes super lok le. bottom not long enough wait the waitress see liao think we naked like that. haha! so we decided to go east coast instead.
wah lau we quite the surprised when we reached there. east cost also sibeh happening wo, on friday nite! sounds sua gu hor? too long neber go lim jiu is like that one la. haha! wah lau there very difficult to find parking le so bopian lor, we changed to plan B instead.
so simi si plan B? haha... the horny man (see above, you should know who is the horny one la. hiak hiak!) suggested we go look see the carparks there. err... not to see carparks la, carparks very nice to see meh? to go see where got cars with special lunar-film-covered windows and windscreen la.
heheh, heard of solar film (think vkool and other brands) but never heard of lunar film right? let ah bengz gai siao a bit la... its the new patent-pending, singapore only (i think), super economical (possibly free) protection for your car... at nite. heehee... designed to effectively block off infra-red, ultra-violet, and especially optimised for visible spectrum filtering. somemore no need to ask johnny to zhng for you one, can zhng yourself.
its call the newspaper.
legend had it that there was one carpark at east coast hor, at nite no street lamp one, very dark. there got many cars got put the lunar film, so the horny fellowship of the chia went to discover this legendary car park lor. yes! we boldly went where no boliao men had gone before, from macdonald's all the way to carpark F and beyond and finally found the elusive carpark right where the small road along east cost park meets ECP.
indeed the carpark is unlit, a dark contrast to the well lit expressway a short distance away. somehow hor, the cars there all got follow this unspoken protocol one. went into carpark liao must switch off headlights one and drive at snail pace. eh, high beam??! wanna die isit?! 
but at that time, we didnt know mah. me drove into the carpark with headlights on! wah could see 3 rows of cars parked side by side most of them got put newspaper one. i dont think i have to say out loud whats going on there right?? err... test suspension la!!
interestingly none of them rocked wo, i suppose wanna come here test suspension, the suspension must be very gilat then can come la. oops, pun not intended, hahaha!! we didnt alight and look see la, just drove along niah niah... 
after going 1 round the carpark, i drove out and just before entering ECP, the horny man jio jio me, "oii, u-turn back le..."!!!
must understand, people married liao, need "fresh ideas" sometime.
nowadays everything also online already, must have e- this and e- that. this morning received this from my lil' sis:
Hi,
Please make payment for the following items:
1. Season parking from 11 Feb 2006 to 31 Mar 2006 - $106.75
2. Dinner at Pasta Mania on 11 Feb 2006 (7" supreme & coke) - $14.60
Total - $121.35
My bank account number is xxx-xxxxxx-x. Thank you.
better transfer $$ to her account. wait later she put the e-豬頭 then i know. hahaha!!
so boliao... i am just kidding...
yesterday tied down with my dealer to collect the ride on v-day but last minute decided to go pick it up this morning. had to go all the way to pasir panjang distripark to collect. buddy said actually could ask the dealer to drive over to the showloom to collect one but i didnt know lor. anyway also good la. can straight away cheong up to expressway! haha!!
ah beng chia at rest state in the mazda collection center. see the plastic on the hot seat still havent removed yet. we were waiting for my dealer to appear. think buddy also very eager to see the car - he cheong very fast on the highway before that.
virgin load. went straight to buy season parking after getting the car. then mom joined us for lunch and naturally, when you got her out of the house to the town central, she'd go grocery shopping at NTUC. not much actually, but there were 2 bottles of detergent hidden in there. "last time can only buy 1 bottle, now got car can buy 2", she reasoned. wah!! she also very fast le...
me in the hot seat going out for a second ride. me and lil' sis (she take peekture and said must credit to her) went to pump petrol, fetch another sis from work (at jurong!!!), then meet 2nd sis and her hubby for dinner.
nor, here you see the ang moh admiring my ride, almost drooling liaoz! 
haha just kiddin'. that's my bro-in-law. actually we were just posing for the camera. geh geh (pretend) chit chatting niah niah.
another thing we did: buy 4D. lil' sis bought 30 big and 30 small on the car plate... didn't win...
lastly, i really gotta ask a DUH question... lurbmobile... is boy or gal har?!
the mazda dealer just called me to inform me that my ah beng chia was ready for collection liao! also told me the car number. yes! got my SGD plate, heheheh.... 
so who want 4D idea, leave a comment with your email ok? hee...
mabbe i should have a guess-the-number contest. haha! very happy now.
...短讯铃声不停作响, 收到不少祝贺也传了不少祝贺
...守睡后早上睡不醒, 还好窗口不在我床头没有太阳晒屁股
...一家人齐聚吃火锅, 有我最爱的鲜虾和鲍鱼! 何谓胆固醇??
...与老爸、小妹、朋友喝酒，开怀畅饮还待几时?
...拜年拿红包, 虽然有点不好意思但还是拿了...
...孩子们都长大了, 自己是变老了, 还是变了...
woke up 7 early 8 early this morning because gotta report back to camp for some admin stuff. last nite house got pai pai to 天公* (err... the Jade Emperor??) somemore the 天 (sky) didnt coorporate, heavy rain, so was delayed, ended up sleeping quite late. almost 2am then sleep. this morning woke up at 5+ am... wah sibei stoned... 
my unit was hidden somewhere in the northwest region of Singapore. i did a Google Earth on it - but predictably couldnt find it - and it measured a linear distance of about 26km from home. like very secretive like that hor, but actually if you ask anybody who had gone through national service, they should know la. i mentioned before that me got called up for oversea exercise, so today went back to take peekture and pa zharm (innoculation).
last nite jio my fellow comrade to share cab. bopian the place super ulu (remote) only got 1 bus service plying the main road outside the camp. so if take bus me still gotta walk quite a distance to the gate. then walk somemore to the reporting area. wah lau you think road march meh? me is reservist nsman liao, of course must use my brain right?
at the gate we were directed to a certain auditorium for in-process (book in/check in/whatever you call it la...) but we blur le, dont know where it was, so being the smart, operationally-ready, camouflage-cladded, gdp-contributing, nsmen that we are, we reported to the 'default' meeting area lor. when all things fail, you know sure can find the reser- oh oh, nsmen there one...
... its called the canteen.
networking
go back camp was not an entirely bad thing la. you got to catch up with old friends you normally might not meet outside one. got one in-camp last time, could even be termed 'educational' ok!! then, i learned about stocks, properties, cars, and photography all in 2 weeks! this kind of kang tao (opportunity) how to find? haha!!
but today no time to be so educational la. mainly just updating each other on the latest niah niah. then joked around lor. some of us can bs a lot. haha!
phototaking
one of the 2 main things for reporting back to unit today. interestingly, it was still done using analog camera! not that SAF low tech ok. mai siao siao, SAF very high tech one. so high tech that full time national service can cut by 6 months ok. maybe the guy taking the peektures preferred to use analog cam bah...
when its your turn, you gotta assemble your nric no. using some Scrabble like tiles. then you took your pic with the number below your face, ma jiam convicts like that... hmm somebody should send the guy for Photoshop conversion course. heehee...
innoculation
the procedure was as follow:
- look for your name in the name list (aka nominal row) and take note of the serial number associated with your name. the clerk in charge will also tell you which type(s) of jab you need to take.
- tell the medic your number for each jab that you require. this is for recording which jab(s) you took.
when my turn came, the clerk looked up my name then told me, me no need to take any. because i got 神功護體, hahaha!!! joking la... 2 years ago i went to Ex Wallaby that time already tio jabbed liaoz. havent expire yet. 
e-mart
somehow, we the nsmen outside typically dont like to shop with wifey or galfriends, came into camp like kena let loose in sim lim square like that, buy pants, buy tees, buy boots, trackshoes, now even got sandals! wah lau, like great singapore sales like that. think even more exciting than gss manz - the great e-mart shopping spree!!
some of the stuff actually were quite useful in our normal civilian life also. like:
- no.3* leather shoes - can wear to office;
- black socks - to match your no.3 leather shoes, heehee!
- running shoes - got Brooks and New Balance to choose from;
- white running socks - got elastic bands around the feet area somemore. very secure!
- black shorts - wear at home, wear to bed, wear to downstairs coffeeshop also can, haha!
- sandals - although not Teva but only s$13. somemore got buckles one, more secure than velcro;
the good thing about buying the items above: you pay using your SAF smartcard credits! unless you run out of credits la, then you have to pay by cash. song bor?
my buddies tried on the footwears until the e-mart ah lian boi simi song (not happy). haha... ma jiam like some gals go to Charles & Keith like that!
AOB
other things we did today...
- briefing on unit and training related stuff - didnt pay attention... all forgotten liao.
- lunch - proudly presented by Singapore Food Industry but the ah soh's and ah peh's didnt do the cold dish presentation thingy le...
* 拜天公 - a tradtion practised by hokkiens. its basically a prayer session to the Jade Emperor (i think) in the early hours of the 9th day of cny to give thanks and to pray for good fortune in the coming year.
as far as i know, this was the first year it rained during 拜天公... ~ bengz
* no.3 uniform - one of the various types of uniform in SAF. no.1 is the guard of honor uniform used in NDP; no.2 is another type used for official occasions; no.3 is for office use; no.4 is the camouflage uniform.
sis happily showed off her little gadget which she bought from a shop at IMM, to remove pills and fuzz. wah i felt so sua gu (literally, mountain tortise) manz never seen such gadget before.
the pill remover is ma jiam a shaver but not for shaving moustache or body hair one la. its battery operated and got a little container (that transparent area in the peekture) for the pills.
got her to demo how the thing works. can see the result in the peekture below. wow, looks effective hor? the boxed up area were the place already visited by the lawn mower. it did look as if brand new sia...
but then the shaving area so small, my clothes so big, like that shave until the cow comes home also cant finish la!! but hor, she said her clothes is a s$50 top, somemore cannot find in shops already. so she patiently 'shaved' the top lor, until...
"ALAMAK!! pua kang liao!!!!"... she gave up after shaving 2 little holes in the fabric... 
) and i forgot what we talking about liao but somehow this thing about that classic wife software joke came up. there are many variations la, one of them goes like this...
